Change Your Perspective, Change Your Paradigm

Back in the day, when we roamed the planet as “cave people,” we had to make quick, life or death decisions in order to survive. Luckily, in our “modern society,” most of our daily decisions are not survival oriented. However, our “fight or flight” mechanism is still operational. For this reason, when someone does something to us, we instantly evaluate: did they mean to do that or was it unintentional? For example, you are cut-off while driving. Your brain automatically evaluates the situation to determine if the person intentionally cut you off or possibly, you were in their blind spot and they had no idea you were there, (unintentional). This automatic response has been termed the “accuser-excuser bias." The “accuser bias” is your interpretation of actions done by another as intentional. The “excuser bias” interprets the actions of another as unintentional as to their effect on you. In fact, as I write this, one of those incredibly loud, you have to pause your conversation, motorcycles just drove by. If I think, “they intentionally try to aggravate people,” I have an “accuser bias.” On the other hand, I might think, “some people really enjoy the rumble of an engine/muffler. I’m glad we all have things we enjoy.” This is the “excuser bias.” The point of this information is to remind one another that we have a choice when someone does something that affects us. We can “choose” to get angry and accusatory of their perceived “intentional” actions or we can “choose” to let it go, finding an excuse for someone’s behavior that does not result in escalation of anger and frustration.

In mediation, the parties' interpretations of past events are adjusted in a way that creates a shift in paradigm. A paradigm is an individual's way of looking at something. When a shift in paradigm occurs, people are able to see a long standing conflict in a way that fosters new avenues of communication, understanding and resolution.

If you or someone you know, might benefit from a paradigm shift, call us to see how we can help. Moving past conflict is a good way to start living your best life.