Getting to "No"

Chris Voss, (one of my favorite negotiators), talks about “no oriented questions.” Many people are looking for a “yes” when they want something. However, sometimes you can “get” what you want by having someone say, “no.” For example, two people are in a mediation and are having a difficult time agreeing on a way to resolve a problem. Instead of saying, “can’t we just agree on this resolution?” (where you are looking for a “yes”); try a “no” oriented question: “would it be a ridiculous idea to try this approach for a week?” (More than likely, you will get a “no.”) The “no” oriented question takes the pressure away. It is you deciding on something, rather than agreeing to something being asked of you, (as in the “yes” oriented question). Semantics? Maybe. But it works. Try it for yourself. You will be surprised.